


how to know a man: by his scrapes and bruises, scars and smiles, wrinkles and tattoos

by ffslynch



Series: Kuroo Week 2020 [6]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bisexual Kuroo Tetsurou, Breaking Up & Making Up, Getting Back Together, Getting Together, Insecure Kozume Kenma, Light Angst, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Sort Of, Tattoos, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:28:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26050393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ffslynch/pseuds/ffslynch
Summary: Kuroo Tetsurou official guide on how to heal: read books, play a sport you love, travel abroad, drink coffee, get tattooed(Kuroo Week 2020 day 7: Tattoos)
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: Kuroo Week 2020 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896280
Comments: 12
Kudos: 122
Collections: Kuroo Week 2020





	how to know a man: by his scrapes and bruises, scars and smiles, wrinkles and tattoos

For the despair of his grandparents, Kuroo has a lot of tattoos. 

Ok, so not a lot lot of them, but definitely more than they expected him to have. 

The first one he gets is right after his graduation, a matching design with Yaku and Kai on his inner bicep. It’s a cat, a minimalistic design with simple lines and plain black ink. The animal is standing up, walking in the direction of Kuroo’s hand, it’s tail curling at the top. Yaku get his done on his ribs and Kai on his calf. Besides their end goal of going to national’s, Kuroo is pretty sure that the idea and design of the tattoo is the only thing that the three of them have managed to agree on, without any sort of discussion. It’s a fond reminder of the team they built together, the goals they achieved and the years that shaped them for the men they would become. 

His second tattoo is much less meaningful, but it still makes a home inside his heart. It’s located on his ankle and the result of a stupid bet with Bokuto, during his first college year. Bokuto’s first official game is approaching, and he guarantees he, alone, can score 12 points in one set. Kuroo cackles and says it impossible. The mockery serves as fuel for the outside hitter and Kuroo is damned because Bokuto does it. Kuroo cheers for him, loudly, and although he knows the consequences he can’t help but laugh and nods when Bokuto turns on the court and points directly at him after scoring the last point of the second set, marking the 12th of it. The happiness on his friend face is enough for him to simply not mind what is to come and also, really, he had it coming. He should have known better than to rile up Bokuto of all people.

He ends up getting a tiny ace of spades, so he would ‘never forget his super talented best friend who is also the best Ace of all time’, in Bokuto’s own words. Kuroo merely shrugs, with no regrets. In muddy days or when he misses being able to simply play with Bokuto, he looks down at it and smiles a bit, feeling a bit warmer like when he used to watch his friend play and laugh together with him. 

Giving up the dream of becoming a pro-player had been painful. Even if all logic pointed to how that career simply wasn’t what he wanted any more, coming to terms with the fact that he was simply letting his childhood dream go still left a bitter taste on his mouth. 

When his graduation date approaches and Kuroo realizes he hasn’t even thought about moving on to a professional career inside the court, he ends up finding himself in a meeting with Nekomata, asking for guidance on what to do. Even years after he had left the old man’s team and high school he still meets him semi-regularly, at least once every two months, for lunch, advice and simply general catching up. Kuroo admired Nekomata’s experience and general life path and had always valued his opinions and point of view in things. In exchange, the coach had been quick to recognize his hard work and dedication to what mattered to him, as well as his selfless and leading nature. Kuroo had eagerly asked him to become his mentor almost as soon as he was back to work in Nekoma, and the old man had quickly agreed, starting their close relationship. 

Nekomata reminds him of his purpose, why he saw himself in Kuroo so much. How Kuroo always thrived to make sure his team worked together, as a way to make each other achieve their best. How he wanted to inspire new players to see the wonders of volleyball and be able to see and learn with the best, even if they were on opposite sides of the court. How his first and favourite lesson had been not to only allow those who could jump the highest, but to ‘lower the net’, so everyone could play. To **connect** people. To help them to become the best that they could be. That was his purpose, what he was the best at, what he had always done for his team and what he truly wanted to do, for the rest of his life. 

He gets the combo of the kanji with the hiragana that form the classic Nekoma motto on his back, right in between his shoulder blades, a little over a month after his graduation. 

In a similar fashion, the next tattoo he gets is when he moves abroad to do his masters in international relations. It’s placed right on his ribs, a red sun with the black line art of a cherry blossom twig over it. A simple ode to his country, so he never forgets his culture and origin, and a promise to go back. 

Being twenty-two, alone in a different country and pursuing a different career he had planned throughout his whole teenage years, meant finding out a lot about himself. A lot lot. 

When he goes back to Japan, he as an anatomically correct heart on the left side of his ribcage, coloured by shades of pink, purple and blue, in this order. He doesn’t go out of his way to show his friends, the ones who matter already know his brilliant and much-delayed insight about himself from meltdowns over the phone and very anxious video calls.

When he shows Kenma, the boy traces over the drawing very lightly. He didn’t say much out of the ordinary when Kuroo first told him, crying on the phone. He was all the way across the sea then, and there wasn’t much to be done besides assuring him that he didn’t hate Kuroo whatsoever. And at the time, it had been enough to ease the erratic beat inside Kuroo’s chest.

Now, however, it was different. It was different because Kenma was right there, touching him, and now Kuroo knew and accepted that he liked boys. He knew himself enough now to understand what he wanted. To understand the thing that been hovering over his head since he was 12 years old, the subtle meaning behind why making Kenma smile was so important to him, why it hurt like he was missing a lung to be moving away from him, why he found so much comfort in his touch. Why he was always, always, looking at Kenma. Why he wanted Kenma to look back.

The situation was already unnerving and filled with high stakes. Standing there, shirtless on the living room, he was pretty sure he was close to combustion before, but then Kenma looks up and meets his eyes and Kuroo thinks he might simply melt. His legs feel weak and liquidy and his head is airy with a million of things, over 10 years of unsaid words, stolen glances and suppressed touches, all coming together in one undeniable truth and an unbearable fear hanging over him.

But then Kenma touches his, stepping on his tiptoes, and kisses Kuroo. It was supposed to be quick, just a peck, but Kuroo holds him and lets his head finally go quiet.

In the year Kuroo turns 26, he gets a small shooting star on the back of his neck. It marks 20 years after his mother passed away, and as the date approaches he feels himself more and more emotional, remembering her soft voice telling him stories about the stars, and caring touches that ran from the top of his head through the begging of his back, occasionally pausing on his neck, simply letting her hand there, warm and gentle, guiding and comforting him on cold nights or when he was upset. It’s a reminder that, although his mother is long gone, making her passage to the other side, she’s always with him, in some way or another.

When Kuroo is 27, he finally says it out loud what he has been thinking since he was a child: he wants to spend the rest of his life with Kenma. 

It does not go well.

They fight. The biggest fight they ever had in almost 20 years of knowing each other. Kuroo is crying and Kenma is screaming and it’s just so unlike them it doesn’t seem real. 

They break up, and nothing feels real for Kuroo for a long time after that. 

He feels like he is floating through life like everything is behind this dense fog that won’t lift no matter what. He doesn’t even understand what or how it happened properly. He can’t stop thinking that Kenma doesn’t want him any more, again and again. 

It’s almost 6 months later (the longest time he ever went without talking to him since they met) when he gets a message from Akaashi, worried. 

“Is everything ok with Kenma? He broke down during his stream last night?”

Kuroo’s breath gets faster and harder to catch as he searches for Kenma’s username on Twitter. It doesn’t make him feel any better to see millions of posts by concerned fans and a few video shots of the end of the Livestream, with Kenma sitting on his chair, a very distressed expression on his face, quickly turning off his camera, but not quick enough to hide that he was practically sobbing. 

The pain of seeing that expression, that much sadness on Kenma’s face breaks Kuroo. He isn’t even aware that he had moved until he is already out of the office building, hailing for a taxi. He feels like the time he is stuck on the traffic lasts forever. He feels like he blinked, and he is on the front porch of Kenma’s house. The whole time his leg is shaking, and he is counting the minutes to get to the familiar address, but now that he is here he is frozen, unsure of what to do. Should he knock? Should he just go in? He had the key, he could if he wanted. Would Kenma even mind? Would he kick Kuroo out, angrily? What was he even doing here? Kenma didn’t want him, not as a husband or a boyfriend and apparently, not as a friend. He didn’t want Kuroo to be there for him. He was just intruding, forcing his feelings on his (ex) best friend, once again. Like he had always been doing, apparently. He takes a deep breath, knuckles white from the fists that his hands are closed in, and turns around to leave.

Only to see himself face to face with Kenma. 

Oh. Oh, shit.

Kuroo gasps a bit and then closes his mouth and then opens again, but really he has no idea what to say. So he just stands there, mouth open, looking at his ex-everything. 

Kenma...Kenma looks like a wreck. His hair is on a messy bun that was clearly slept into. Kuroo could easily see all the lines that marked his face, making the outline of the cuffs of a hoodie. He must have fallen asleep snuggling his face on it, he did that sometimes when he was upset. He is also holding a plastic bag with cat food, which makes sense as Kenma’s cat was very particular about her eating habits, and so that bag would be the one thing Kenma would not be able to order from a delivery service. 

“What are you doing here?” Kenma asks, interrupting Kuroo’s scan of his figure, brows furrowed and lips pressed against each other. Right. Kuroo should explain himself, obviously. He scratches his throat and tries to think of a lie but comes up empty. He should just be honest. Whatever. What is Kenma going to do? Break up with him? Ha ha. What a time for his brain to decide to be funny.

“Akaashi texted me,” he says and Kenma scoffs

“Akaashi needs to learn to mind his own business”

“He is worried about you. And honestly, so am I”

“Leave me alone, Kuroo,” Kenma says, as he approaches his own doorstep, tiredly. 

“Kenma c’mon, please talk to me. What is going on? What happened?”

“Nothing happened, ok? I was just tired” he protests, opening the door and Kuroo scoffs

“Don’t lie to me! I’ve seen you tired, you don’t burst out crying for anything, much less in the middle of a live stream! You’re the most controlled and put together person I know, so stop screwing around and tell me what happened!” Kuroo’s voice comes out louder than he intended to, heavy with outrage. Kenma merely blinks at him.

“It’s very bold of you to come into MY house and demand things from me” He says and that’s when Kuroo blinks and looks around, finally realizing that he had somehow followed Kenma into his living room. 

“Oh. Sorry, I... Well, you could very well have stopped me from getting in, I didn’t even notice I was following you” he protests and Kenma laughs, serving food for his cat.

“Yeah, right. Like I could physically block you from getting in” Kuroo sighs at his answer

“Listen, I’m sorry I came over and I’m sorry I barged in, but I got worried. I can’t just turn it off, I’ve been trying to be there for you my whole life, I can’t…. You can’t expect me to not be worried about you. I know you hate me but-’  
“I don’t.” Kenma interrupts him. He is standing on the other side of the living room, bag of cat food in hand, looking at him with a confused expression on his face “I don’t hate you Kuro” he says, and it pains Kuroo to hear him saying his old nickname again. 

“Well, one would assume, considering that you’re the one that broke up with me for no reason and…” He stops, mid-sentence. Firstly, because he is not here to fight, and he is so tired of feeling like he has to beg to be loved, has to keep running after it. Secondly, because peeking out of Kenma’s kotatsu, is a hoodie. A very, very familiar hoodie. 

“Wait is that my…” Kuroo could swear, he recognizes that fabric. As he steps further and stretches his arm to get it, Kenma’s eyes go wide, and he is suddenly scrambling to get there faster, grab the piece of clothing before he could, but Kuroo moves faster. In a second they are both on their knees, playing tug of war for it. Kenma pulls it strongly, making Kuroo lose balance and fall over him. In an attempt to protect his face, he raises his hand with the piece of clothing. Kuroo’s face smashes right into it and if he was positive before, now he was completely sure. This was his hoodie. One of his favourites, that had been missing for months. Well, now he knew where it had been all this time. “Why do you still have my hoodie? Kenma what the-” He supports himself on his elbows and as he looks down to Kenma’s panicked face, it finally clicks.

“ You were sleeping with my hoodie.” He says. Kenma is very quiet and very red. Is as much of a confession as Kuroo could get. “Kenma. Kenma were you crying because of me yesterday?” the other boy is standing very still, eyes trained and stuck on the ceiling. The rim of his eyes are ready, lined up with tears. Kuroo sighs and raises one of his hands, rubbing his eyes strongly. His head is heavy, he can feel a migraine approaching. “Kenma. Please answer me this. And I know cat seems to have got your tongue, but actually say it with words for me: Are you still in love with me? Just fucking tell me the truth, whatever it is, please.” 

Kenma is quiet for a long, long time, before quietly whispering ‘yes’. It’s so low, so soft and scared that Kuroo barely listens. He thinks he might burst into tears at any second. His head hangs low, as he takes one, two, three deep breaths.

“Then why? Why would you break up with me like that? Why did kick me out, told me to never look for you again?” 

“Because…” Kenma stars and his voice cracks, out of frustration or pent-up sadness “Because you proposed. I was terrified that there will come a day when you regret it. That you’re going to look at me and realize that this is not what you want, that you deserve better. And you do, you deserve better, and you know that! Someone smarter, someone that isn’t afraid of public speaking and doesn’t mind going out or travelling or going on stupid hikes and adventures. Someone that doesn’t hold you back!”

“You? Holding me back?” Kuroo actually laughs out loud “Kenma, you’re literally the most accomplished and successful person I know! If anything, you make me want to work harder, go further, so I can become better. So I can be someone that is worthy of you” He turns to look into Kenma’s eyes, his hand softly pressed against his cheek. He gives him a lopsided grin “World-famous Kodzuken” he says, a soft joking tone filling his voice. Kenma rolls his eyes, but after a moment of silence he looks back to Kuroo. Actually looks at him, like he isn’t holding back or hiding something anymore. 

“What if you change your mind?” He asks, and it pains Kuroo that he could ever think this was an option. Kuroo lowers his head once again, lips lined with the side of his head and press a kiss there. 

“Kenma” He whispers against the boy’s temple “Kenma, let me stay. Please, don’t push me away. Please. Let me prove that you’re wrong and that I’m staying. Let me prove I won’t ever leave.” He punctuates the sentences with soft kisses, his other hand softly holding Kenma’s head in place, one finger tangles in his hair “I love you. I love you so, so much, you have no idea. I’m yours, only yours, forever” He raises his head again, looking into Kenma’s eyes. There are silent tears staining his face and Kuroo cleans them with his thumb. “My Kenma. Let me stay, please?” he asks. Again, silence for a minute or two. The air is heavy around them, but neither one moves. Until Kenma nods, softly, before raising his hands and hugging Kuroo’s back, locking him into that position. 

Kuroo is not sure if that will be the happiest moment of his life, but he is pretty sure is the happiest he has ever been until that very moment. 

He gets a simple ‘K’ tattooed on his chest the next month, right over his heart. Physical proof of the promise he intends to keep for the rest of his life. 

  
  


The last tattoo Kuroo gets (for the foreseeable future) is a red ring over his ring finger. Kenma has a matching one. They opt to get it done for two reasons. 

First, it is simply more permanent than a ring. It can never be lost, change sizes, get rusty or broken or stolen. It’s marked in then, under their skin forever, like their feelings for each other. 

Secondly, it’s a nice ode to one of Kuroo’s favourite myths, the red thread of fate. So what it’s technically folklore and a little cheesy. Kuroo loves the idea of being connected to someone from the moment their existence starts, and that they’ll be together, ever intertwined and finding their ways to each other, regardless of what happens. And maybe it’s sappy, but Kuroo will gladly take the title of the biggest sap in the world if it means being able to watch Kenma’s face go red when he kisses his finger and whispers ‘forever.’

Kuroo knows many people frown upon tattoos. He knows they have a bad stigma and his grandmother did not measure word to let him know how disappointed she was that he would end up looking like a gangster. But Kuroo sees them as a form of art, a different way of telling his story and lining up who he is. He spent such a long part of his life lost, unsure of what he wanted, who he would become, and then afraid of both of those things. Letting the ink go under his skin, the colour and designs become a permanent part of his shape, help him feel more secure on himself. Never forget the past, and know that whatever is it to come on the future, he can take it. He is tired of hiding, running away from himself or being unsure. He is not lost any more. Kuroo knows who he is now, knows what he wants. And even when he is old and wrinkled, too tired and fragile to talk, he will let his tattoos tell his story for him. 

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! This was supposed to be very short but it ended up getting a bit over my head lmao  
> I hope you enjoy my headcanon for the type of tattoos that Kuroo would get! All feedback is greatly appreciated of course. Also, the tattoo he gets for his mum is a reference to my other fic for Kuroo Week on day 3, night sky, so check it out if you feel like it :)  
> Thank you so much for reading it, and if you'd like to see me shitpost more about Bisexual Kuroo, tattoos and yearning in general, you can always find me on my twitter @ffsKuroo


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